Old musings...

Just because it's not what you thought it would be doesn't mean it's not what it's supposed to be.

How do you know? 08.27.06

Sometimes there are people you meet that affect you in ways you can't explain. Or maybe you shouldn't explain. But I have found that for this person there are no words. And yet, even in my own mind, I can't figure out what, if anything, that means. Coincidence or fate? Connection or sheer infatuation? So far, all I can come up with, is that I'm so moved. And touched. And terrified. And melancholy. (I may chalk that one up to the rain...) I just can't figure out why I feel this way. Maybe I'm not even supposed to know yet. The deeply romantic, read way too many cheesy books part of me wants to say that there is something there that is bigger than anything else I've ever encountered. The logical, shy, and somewhat cynical part of me wants to say that I've completely lost my mind and what I'm feeling is the result of lack of sleep and vivid imagination. But surely, somewhere in the middle of all of my idiosyncrasies there is something real, or at least more tangible. I can't seem to get my hands on it though. And maybe that's what makes what I feel so beautiful...the fact that I can't place it or categorize it or reign it in or control it in any of the ways I usually want to. It has taken on a life of its own and I should be glad to know it at all. Even when it hurts, it still is somehow wonderful.

The Prayer 03.05.08

“I don’t know you but I want you all the more for that… - Falling Slowly, Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova

I know that you’re here somewhere. There is something inside of you and something inside of me that will draw us together. I know it will not be easy or simple or perfect. But it will be our story. I know we will write it together for as many years as it takes for us to get it right. There are parts of the story that I play in my head even though I don’t know your face. I know that when I happen upon it, the chapters I’ve dreamed of will come to life. We may change them or delete them but it will be us together. I know that when you come into my life I will stop living inside my own head. We will make a life together. Somehow that comforts me and sometimes it terrifies me. Sometimes I cannot wait to know you. Sometimes I’m not ready for you to know me. But I know that when the time comes I will let you in. I will let you know my very soul because I know that you already love me; because I already love you.